She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
