After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
