Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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