not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
