I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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