I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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