hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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