I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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