I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
