Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
