i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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