awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
