I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
