I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize