sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my shit smells like andre
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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