3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
