Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm really busy with my period
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