yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
