never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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