literally had 100 drinks last night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
