i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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