matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
