I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
