Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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