another moral hangover. fuck.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Randomize
