He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
