you have to choose: penises or morals?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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