Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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