cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
