Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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