I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize