Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
