I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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