I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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