Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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