Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize