I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
