im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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