it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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