Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
