he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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