You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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