What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize