The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
