I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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