So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
