xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
