it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
