She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
