The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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