quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
