Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
