puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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