i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
