my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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