So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
