'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
