please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
