First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
