it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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