its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
