i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
