U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize