Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
