The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
