Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
