Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
