Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
