Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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