just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
