just tell him i said nine months
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
