this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
not ubering you a puppy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
