This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
