Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
